I met last week with the new doctor who will be prescribing my medications. After 12 years with the same doctor, it’s hard to switch gears and begin with someone new.
The doctor asks, “how many depressive/manic episodes have you had in 12 years? Tell me everything that has happened ever.”
I can’t fucking remember! I can’t even remember what I did yesterday. I’m doing great. My medication works. Why do we have to change it?
“Well, I don’t think this medication is doing anything for you, so I am going to take it away from you.”
But I am doing really well. Why do we have to change it?
“We’ll reassess in a month.”
She took away my anti-anxiety medication.
I’m not a doctor. I don’t know what may have gone through her brain as she made this decision. But it’s my brain that’s being affected.
I *am* doing really well. I like to believe a large portion of this is because I have learned many additional tools that help me in this.
But that’s HELPING. Why take away one of the legs that keeps me upright to begin with?
She wants me to shift from being a three-legged chair to being a ladder. I am just hoping that the other tools I have are enough to provide the stable ground and solid wall I can use to keep me upright.
Welcome to my world 