After only a few sessions with my newest therapist, I can definitively say, I REALLY LIKE HER! I feel connected to her already, and really appreciate her approach to working with me. I feel that this will be a very good relationship. I can’t believe that I’ve won the therapist lottery, again.
In the short time we’ve been together so far, we have already unpacked so many things. And while it’s extremely validating to have recognition for the tremendous amount of work I’ve done in processing past traumas (pretty much all stemming from having grown up with a narcissist) and learning to recognize my truths and recover my voice, it’s also extremely daunting to know that I need to learn next how to switch from theoretical processing to applied processing.
I have to learn how to rewire entire neuro pathways, not just put up the occasional roadblock. In order to live my future the absolute best I can, this work is going to be HARD!!! “Fuck” is right.
I want to stop here, though, and go back to the title of this post.
I just said that the work I have to do next is going to be hard. But, I remind myself… the work I’ve already DONE was also extraordinarily hard. But I did it. Lori 2.0 is kind of awesome and I am really fucking proud of Present Me.
Going forward, I know I am going to struggle with this next step. I know I am going to sometimes feel like I’m failing. My trauma is going to hit me time and time again and I know I am going to feel like my past is forever going to haunt me.
I will feel like an imposter, for a while. But I do also believe Lori 3.0 is ready for activation. She’s not an imposter. Lori 3.0 is going to be someone who recognizes her past, but who lets that live in the past. Lori 3.0 owns the power that Lori 2.0 is trying to access.
I can do this.