Tick, tick, Boom?

I used to think that by the age of 40 I would have my life figured out.

That wasn’t me comparing myself to other people. It wasn’t me saying I *should* have my life figured out by age 40. It just made sense to me.

It felt like the natural progression of how my life had been going.

My 20s were a wreck. My 30s were about getting a handle on my mental health and figuring myself out. I assumed that my 40s would then be for stabilizing the life I’d have in place.

But I’m 41. And I still feel lost.

I recently made the career decision to stay at my current job for a minimum of two more years.

This is despite the fact that I’ve been wanting to leave for the past *mumbles* number of years for various reasons, but haven’t because change is hard for me and also because there are a great many reasons I *love* my job even though there are an equal amount of reasons why I want so badly to *leave* my job.

But staying is the smart thing to do.

My work history is a mess. Couple years here. Couple years there. Temping for a few months there before temping over there. Then a couple years somewhere else. Ooop, she’s moved. Oh wait, she’s moved again. Why is there a two year break in her employment history?

I can completely attribute that mess to my mental health, but that’s hard to explain to potential employers. So being able to show to future employers that I’ve had a STABLE job for 10 full years (and proving to myself that I’ve been able to maintain my mental stability) will be huge, and will open up my options tremendously and aid in me figuring out my future life.

I had thought 40 would be my magic number. Is 45 the new magic number?

Am I giving myself a goal? Or am I just hearing a tick… tick… tick… in my head?

I don’t know.

(Yes, I did just watch the movie tick, tick.. BOOM! Yes, it did get me thinking.)